07 June, 2011

10 Reasons Not To Watch X-Men First Class

I am aware that I am late for the party. Most people have already seen the new X-Men and almost everything has already been written about it. So in order to bring about a change, I present to you 10 reasons why you should not watch X-Men.

1. First of all what is there to like about a movie that compliments the entire series and simultaneously opens the door for future sequels. Are action movies supposed to be like this? Shouldn’t they just reboot the entire thing with a new cast (as they did) and start afresh?


2. First Class is basically an “origins” movie and it works wonderfully as that. My problem with X-Men is that now even the non-comic reading public will know everything there is to know about the characters, like Charles Xavier/Professor X (James McAvoy) or Hank McCoy/Beast (Nicholas Hoult). This means that the one thing we had over them, the knowledge of how it all began, has been taken away from us. That was the one thing that separated “us” from “them”.

3. So seriously what was up with all the subtitles? Haven’t the studios learnt that we moviegoers love it when foreigners speak with each other in a funny English accents rather than talking in their native language?

4. Two words, one name - January Jones! Again, who in their right mind would want to watch a scantily dressed January Jones portray Emma Frost. Like having the coolest real name wasn’t enough, she had to go out and do a superhero movie. If I were you, and only if I were you, I’d boycott the movie for this reason itself.

5. After watching a classy movie like X-Men: First Class, you are bound to compare it to other superhero movies. The problem with that is that your expectations will be really high henceforth and that will eventually lead to disappointment. So avoid this movie and go watch Daredevil instead. I promise you that all the movies to follow will delight you.

 6. I never knew that an action movie was supposed to be this intelligent. I mean should it not have been dimmed down so that we can watch it without using our brains. The subtle seduction of Raven/Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) by Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto (Michael Fassbender) is nothing but pure brilliance as is Erik’s decent into what he is to become. Trust me; you don’t want this kind of intellectual entertainment in a movie.

7. Oh My God! The movie was not in 3D. How in the world did that happen? The very thought of not paying extra for your ticket and not having to suffer a headache from wearing those glasses is simply appalling. I mean who in their right mind, in this day and age, would go and watch a non-3D movie?

8. Right, so what is up with the running time of this movie? At close to 130 minutes I was starting to think it was an Indian movie and that too without a song and dance sequence. The fact that the movie kept me at the edge of my seat and completely engrossed and interested in it has nothing to do with this. A movie so long deserves boring moments or a song and dance sequence.

9. Also by avoiding X-Men you not only save money, at the expense of losing out on pure unadulterated entertainment, but you do not have to wait the next few years in anticipation of the sequel. My eagerness for the sequel is already at a high, but that was a small price I was ready to pay just so that I could warn you about this movie.

10. Lastly, the much talked about cameos. So, if you decide not to go and watch this movie, which I am sure, you will not after reading my post, there is no need for you to not talk or know about the cameos. In fact I will do you all a favor and tell you all about it here. That is the least I can do. So it’s like these two men…


Note: Due to the nature of the post and information about to be given out, this blogger has been taken to an undisclosed location till further notice.

PS: The blogger has now requested we inform his readers that he absolutely loved the movie and recommends that each and everyone should go and watch it. If he were to complete his post, he would have given it a 4.5/5 star rating.

15 comments:

  1. Nice write. I wish I get to see this SOON!

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  2. Ha ha, novel way to review a film, that I think many people will like to read. I really liked this. Good work my man!

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  3. Thank you kind gentlemen :-)

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  4. ok so having read this I kinda wish i'd actually gone to watch this film this morning now. great! just one more regret to fill up my day!

    fun review. welcome to lamb.

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  5. Hi Toby, Thanks for the comment. Yes it is definitly worth watching the movie. I'm sure you will have plenty more chances. Am I in LAMB. I sent in my request but haven't heard from them. Is that where you found me?

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  6. you are now a lamb my friend. how happy i am to be the bearer of good news.

    you are probably still the most recent post. i always check out the new labs.

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  7. WOW! Yes you really are the bearer of fantastic news. Thank you. This just might be the start of a very long friendship.

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  8. Found you at the lamb too! This post is really nice, I haven't really watched x-men first class yet.But I've been wanting too!

    Making a list about a much-talked about film is a good way to drive the attention of your readers. While coming up with a somewhat outdated review about the film would sound just exceptionally. . .

    Ordinary and sometimes boring.haha

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  9. @Markable - Thank you. I try different things like the one word movie review etc. I agree that it's important to try new ways to keep the reader interested. Cheers!

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  10. Really funny writing. I hated first class but enjoyed your post. Welcome to the Lamb.

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  11. Sarcasm is tricky in writing, you did it well. Found you through lamb, will be definitely checking in in tthe future.

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  12. @Joel - Thank you for the comment. I would love to know why you hated first class.

    @Anna - Thank you so much. I was actually double minded about the whole sarcasm thing. That is why I put the note in the end, which normally I would have avoided. :-)

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  13. @Raghav: Markable here (not logged on my google account) hehe. I'm also trying out different styles just so my reviews will stand out by sounding "differently".

    But I realized after reading this; that "sarcasm" sounds better.

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  14. Fantastic post! At first, I did think thay you didn't like it and was surprised as it's been getting rave reviews. I'm seeing this one on Monday.

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  15. @Markable - Thanks

    @Lesya - Thank you for your continued support.

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